Understanding Differences
Between Men and Women – Part II

By: Bradley Coates
Special to the
Oahu Island News

This month’s column continues with the analysis of the core biological differences between men and women. Much of this material is derived from Barbara and Allan Peases’ fascinating and insightful book, “Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps.” I plan to include some of the Peases’ findings in the second edition of my book, “Divorce with Decency: The Complete How-To Handbook and Survivor’s Guide to the Legal, Emotional, Economic, and Social Issues,” which will be published by the University of Hawaii Press later this year. In this month’s column I discuss how men and women differ in their often opposite communication styles, and also summarize (in an admittedly “generalized” and over simplified framework) several of their key physical and sexual differences.

Different Communication Styles
Women use a range of high- and low-pitched speaking sounds, including five different tones of voice. Men speak using only three tones.

A woman speaks an average of 6,000 - 8,000 words a day. A man utters just 2,000 - 4,000 words a day. Seventy-four percent of working women and 98 percent of non-working women identify as a reluctance to talk as the biggest failing of their husbands and boyfriends.

Women talk in generalities. Men talk in sentences that are short, direct, more structured, solution-oriented and to the point. Women have a sixth sense and are more “touchy-feely,” whereas men tend not to listen, miss the details and are “insensitive.” Women are 4 - 6 times more likely to touch another woman in a social interaction than a man. Men avoid touch and retreat into their own world when under pressure.

Mothers or sisters often feel compelled to “speak up,” responding on behalf of their quieter sons/brothers, since speech and language are not specific brain skills for males. In surveys, a third of all women said their average phone calls lasted at least 15 minutes, whereas half the men said their calls were less than 5 minutes.

For women, shopping and eating out is a form of intimacy, just like talking. Meanwhile, men tend to avoid intimacy. They don’t like much eye contact and would rather channel surf the TV than seriously focus on any one thing. When faced with a problem situation, 78 percent of girls tried to walk away or negotiate it, whereas 74 percent of boys used verbal or physical aggression.

Girls’ bodies have an average ratio of 26 percent fat and 20 percent protein. Boys’ bodies have an average ratio of 15 percent fat and 45 percent protein. Female hormones fatten the body. Male hormones reduce fat and build muscle.

A woman’s skin is 10 times more sensitive to touch and pressure than a man’s. Men have thicker skin than women, which explains why women get more wrinkles than men. Women’s excess fat is distributed on their thighs, rears and upper arms. Men accumulate excess fat in what is usually called a “pot belly”.

A woman needs a man to get in tune with his feelings before she’s turned on to sex. A man needs to have sex before he can get in tune with his feelings. Most women need at least 30 minutes of foreplay; most men need about 30 seconds of foreplay.

Women are auditory and feeling. They want touch and romance and are stimulated through their ears (i.e., sweet words). Men are visual and want sex. They are stimulated through their eyes (i.e., erotic images). Only 36 percent of women wanted sex with the lights on. Seventy-six percent of men wanted sex with the lights on. When a man sees a woman naked, he becomes highly stimulated and aroused. When a woman sees a man naked, she bursts into laughter.

When a man decides to sensually touch a woman, he “makes the moves” he likes and gropes her body. Women hate this - touch her gently, guys. Women’s sex drives are like an oven — it heats slowly to its top temperature and takes a lot longer to cool down. Men’s sex drive is like a gas burner — it ignites instantly, operates at full capacity within seconds and can be turned off just as quickly.

A woman’s sexual peak is between the ages of 36 and 38. A man’s sex drive peaks at age 19. Men generally have a higher sex drive than most women. Less than 3 percent of women are addicted to sex. Eight percent of men are addicted to sex. Women take around 13 minutes to reach orgasm. Men take around 2_ minutes to reach orgasm.

Bradley A. Coates, J.D., has been a practicing divorce attorney in Honolulu for over 25 years. He has been selected as Honolulu‚s Best Divorce Lawyer and is the founder of Coates & Frey, Hawaii‚s largest family law firm. Mr. Coates wrote an award winning book entitled, “Divorce with Decency: The Complete How-To Handbook and Survivor‚s Guide to the Legal, Emotional, Economic, and Social Issues.” This article contains “general” information, readers should not take any actions based on this “summarized” information. Instead, appropriate experts should be consulted for each individual’s case and/or fact situation. Phone: 524-4854. Web-site: www.coatesandfrey.com.