My
grandparents just celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary.
They’ve been through half a dozen wars, one son, five grandkids,
deaths of parents, siblings and friends, hard work, retirement, half
a dozen homes, and as many cars. What’s the secret? Where’s the
manual?
There are
lots of books written by so-called “experts” on how to have
successful marriages. Dr. John Gray, Men
are from Mars Women are from Venus, says one of the secrets is
good comm-unication. OK, good advice. But John Gray is on his second
marriage.
Mark and
Chrissy Donnelly, in their essay Fifty
Ways to Love Your Partner say, “Love yourself first, start
each day with a hug, serve breakfast in bed, and say I love you
every time you part ways.” There are 46 more rules.
Great
suggestions; love the idealism, but these aren’t realistic.
Couples will fall in and out of love. They will fight and disagree.
They will get mad, sad, depressed, jealous and angry. They may even
hate each other. We won’t always start each day with a hug and the
words, “I love you.”
While
the ‘experts’ give lots of great advice, I wanted the real
secrets to a long marriage from the real experts!
170
years of expertise between three couples sat at the head table at my
grandparents’ anniversary dinner. Fuskako and Hideo have been
married 56 years. Miyoko and Francis have been together 54 years,
and of course, Phillip and Dorothy (my grandparents) just celebrated
60. Here’s their “manual” to a long and successful marriage:
•
Don’t talk back and be patient
•
Go to Vegas a few times a year
•
Have similar religion/spiritual beliefs
•
Have different roles, “He takes care of the yard and I do
the house-work, but he does the ‘big stuff’ and vacuuming is
considered big stuff”
•
Say ‘yes’ to whatever she says
•
Raising your children and grandchildren
•
Eat good food together
•
Laugh plenty
•
Respect and accept the other for who they are
•
Pick your battles. Most arguments aren’t worth it
•
It’s OK to fight, couples do that
•
Bottom line–divorce is not an option
Love
each other, hate each other; In the end, what’s really important
when you look back at your life? Family, friends, birthdays, births,
graduations, weddings and anniversaries. All the other ‘stuff’
isn’t important. Congratulations Grandma & Grandpa. You are my
inspiration.
Melisa Uchida is the news director for
Rory Wild and the Wake Up Crew on Hot 93.9 FM, weekday mornings
5:30-10 a.m. Reach her at melisauchida@earthlink.net
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