Is this a legitimate medical condition? I know it’s gross, especially coming from a woman, but I’ve got this… um…problem. I’d never had it before, and then – a few months ago - WHAM! I was hit with it – nocturnal flatulence.

I just about died the first time it happened. It was the middle of the night and I was sound asleep when  it woke me up. This vibration rocked through the bed. I was shocked! I couldn’t believe it! I was almost paralyzed with surprise if that’s possible. I thought it couldn’t get any worse, but of course, it could. My boyfriend was awake and lying next to me, watching TV.

I wanted to lie there with my eyes shut, pretending to be asleep but I opened my eyes and looked over at him. “Was that me?” I asked, not knowing whether to laugh or cry. He started laughing, “Oh, honey, you do that all the time,” he said. “What do you mean, I do this all the time?” I burst. He looked at me with a little pity and a lot of love: “It just started recently, but it’s kind of a lot,” he said and laughed.

“Kind of a lot” – those words kept going though my head. It had happened more than once. What’s wrong with me? I’ve been eating a lot of hummus lately…I wonder if that’s it. Allergies? Stress? Age? Is it fixable? I needed answers.

At first I was too embarrassed to talk to anyone about my problem, but I finally opened up to a coworker. “It’s totally normal, after 30. I do it all the time,” he assured me. Maybe that’s OK for men, I thought, but this was certainly not normal for women. I had no choice but to talk to people about my problem.

I started with my grandpa, who was very proud of the fact he’s got the same problem. “It must run in da family ‘cuz me an your bradda fut pleny,” he said proudly.

Others blamed protein consumption, dairy and tomatoes. The doctor told me to watch what I eat, take two Gas-X a day and to come back to his office if it persists.

What surprised me was the number of women who have a similar condition. Generally, it’s a topic women don’t discuss, but when I started asking around, a lot of women admit
ted to…well…having stomach problems, too.

So ladies, know that you are not alone. For everyone else – if there’s ever a moment in your life when you feel like you alone have some problem or are in some obscure situation, just think “nocturnal flatulence,” have a good laugh, and know that most likely, there’s someone, somewhere, who’s just as embarrassed, upset, lonely, depressed, sad, bloated or gaseous as you.

Malisa Uchida is the co-host of “Saturday nights with Steve Bohlen and Malisa Uchida” on KHVH 830am - Saturday from 6pm to 9pm. She can be reached at