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person
who
would be my best friend, lover and companion seems like searching
for the Holy Grail. How are you supposed to find someone you’re
attracted to, has a matching or complimentary personality,
be able to live with, is mentally and physically available (single),
and also happens to like you?”
I
read this e-mail over and over. It so beautifully described what I
have felt for years. Businesses are run on this instinctual quest,
Internet sites are dedicated to it and now prime-time TV shows such
as “The Bachelor” are using it to entice viewers because they
know we’re all searching for the same thing: a soul mate.
Some
cultures still have arranged marriages, but in those that don’t,
people grow up looking for that Prince Charming or queen to rule our
domain. Does “The One” exist, and if so, what are the odds of
finding that person? There are more than 6 billion people on this
planet. So why does finding a special someone to share our lives
with feel like an impossible quest?
Very
simply, we’re too picky. Back in the day, we married our
high-school or college sweethearts. We were supposed to stick it out
through thick and thin. But with rising divorce rates, the cost of
divorce, the acceptance and ease of it and the effects on the
children caught in the middle, we’re now taught to hold off.
“Don’t settle until we know he/she’s ‘The One.’” That
thinking has left us with is an entire generation that’s guarded
and waiting for a nearly flawless human being to marry. How can we
be open to meeting our potential soul mate when we have our defenses
up and a list of requirements longer than medical school
applications?
Here’s
what I say: Throw out the lists. Let down your guard. Be open to the
possibility that this person can appear in any shape and size, at
any time. Pay attention to the people you meet by coincidence; the
person you lock eyes with for just a brief moment in the elevator,
or the woman you keep running into at the gas station, the man you
see twice in a week in two different locations or the person who
gives you goose bumps as you pass near them.
Take
these moments of seemingly random coincidences and notice if
there’s a pattern. Say “Hi.” What have you got to lose? Most
importantly, be open to all possibilities. Because when love
strikes, it usually catches you off-guard and blindsides you.
And
never give up. “Love like you’ve never been hurt.” A tall
order, but with some mental effort, it can be done. Believe that
she’s out there. Beckon her and she will come.
KHNL
News 8’s evening newscaster Melisa Uchida is a Boston University
graduate.
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