By MONA K. WOOD
to make those resolutions that, hopefully, won’t be broken before January
ends. The usual “best-of-intentions” list includes losing weight, quitting
smoking, getting more exercise, finally cleaning out the garage/extra
room/car/office/(fill-in other “eyesore” in your home here).
there are those making other kinds of resolutions; those wishing for love and
hoping 2006 will be the year when Cupid’s arrow finally finds its way into the
heart of their soulmate. I don’t know if it’s a coincidence or if there is
some other mysterious force at work, but I have been getting asked by so many
people if I can introduce them to someone, or if I have any advice on meeting
someone. These are men and women, mostly between 35~60, with a variety of
backgrounds, some never married, others divorced - and all looking for love.
love all my friends to be as in-love and as happy as I am with my Max, but there
was no plan involved so I’m not the best person to be doling out advice —
except to say that I didn’t let society or my worried
“when-are-you-going-to-give-me-a-grandchild?” mother determine when I would
settle down. I was focused on my career and always dated a lot, but was never
ready to settle down with one person until very recently.
If I had let
all those people over the years who asked, “Why aren’t you married, yet?”
get to me, I would have been married and probably divorced by now. Instead, I
kept myself busy discovering the world and my place in it. I didn’t really
even come into my own and knew what I wanted until I was at least 35 - and I
think most people are the same. I also knew I didn’t want to marry any of the
men I was seeing, as wonderful as some of them were. I was waiting for a
feeling, a gut instinct, something I knew I’d recognize when the right person
came - whether I was 20, 30, 70, or perhaps never. And until then, I wasn’t
going to marry whoever was conveniently there when I was “the right age.”
I have seen
so many early marriages end in divorce or infidelity because when the two people
finally “grew up,” they were two very different people from who they were
when they were so young and “so in love.” The lucky ones who have made it
through eithergrew in the same direction, or worked hard to get through the
transitions and could still love
and accept who they had become. If it were up to me, no one would get married until after 30. I honestly think our divorce rate would plummet sharply.
So, what am
I saying to all those people who have made a resolution to find love in 2006? Go
ahead, tell your friends you’re available, get set-up, log in to eharmony.com, try “It’s Just Lunch,” join a club or class to
meet new people with similar interests.
relationships have come from all of those methods. However, don’t let your
wanting to find love make you accept anything less than that gut feeling when
you know it’s right. Some people want a relationship so badly that they
compromise their own wants and needs. Be true to yourself and you will find the
right one for you. Forcing it sooner than when it’s due will only bring you
misery in the end.
it’s right, even the most independent, confirmed bachelorette can suddenly
find herself in a truly loving, committed relationship in her 40’s for the
very first time, complete with all the giddiness and butterflies of a teenager,
but also with the maturity, confidence and passion of a woman who knows in her
gut, “This is it!”
Mona K. Wood is a publicist and writer. Reach her at firstname.lastname@example.org.