Psycho ex-girlfriends. Don’t fool yourself, I know you can relate. Either you’ve had one, have been one, know one, have a husband or boyfriend who has one, has a girlfriend who’s acting like one, or heard horror stories about one. 

Psycho ex-girlfriends are more common than you think! One of my girlfriends was so distraught when her relationship ended, she sat in her car, in the rain, in her ex’s parking lot for a week, just too see if he was seeing someone else. Now, she’s married to the guy and they moved to Mexico (but that’s a whole ‘nother column).

I had a psycho ex-girlfriend moment the other day. It scared the hell out of me. A tidal wave of insecurity knocked me over and for a moment I felt sick to my stomach. “Don’t talk to me like you talk to her,” I snapped at my ex through the phone. “Oh my God, did I say that?” I stared at my cell, horrified that those words and those feelings came out of me! “Um, I gotta go,” I said and hung up. I was freaked out and embarrassed.

I couldn’t understand where these feelings came from, why I couldn’t control them, or how to get rid of them.

“I’m a secure, confident, loving, understanding woman!” I told myself. “What is happening to me?”

I know women are emotional – and generally, I accept and love being the emotional creature that I am. But I really felt like I was losing my mind.

“I’m beyond this,” I whined to my best friend Amy. “I went through this stage years ago - what on Earth am I freaking out about? Am I really this insecure?” I cried.

Generally, I think of myself as a positive person. I like to think I embrace life and all its lessons. I thought I was pretty put together and wouldn’t describe myself as “insecure” by any means (or at least I can hide it well most of the time.) But this feeling snuck up on me out of nowhere! It was an all-consuming, massive fear attack!

Fear of what? I have no idea – but it felt horrible.

I thought of the stories I’ve heard about psycho ex-girlfriends; I thought of my past relationships; I thought of my parents’ divorce and of my girlfriend – sitting in her car, in the rain; I thought of old and new fears – of abandonment, of rejection; I thought of my ex and how freaked out he must’ve been; I thought of all the women possessed by jealousy and how unhealthy it is. 

I thought of how silly I was being and of all the drama I create in my head – just because I am a woman and that’s what we do. I laughed to myself and thought of a what funny column this would make – then called my ex and apologized, and we laughed together.

Melisa Uchida is the co-host of “Saturday nights with Steve Bohlen and Melisa Uchida” on KHVH 830am - Saturday from 6pm to 9pm. She can be reached at