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In
the world of single women, gossiping about our new guy is a favorite
pastime. When a girlfriend meets someone she’s crazy about, we
love to live vicariously through her. It gives us some glimmer of
hope that our soul mates do exist
“Oh he’s great – it’s great,” she said. “I’m
just afraid.”
“Afraid of what?” I asked.
“Of getting hurt,” she replied.
That sounded so silly to me. Getting hurt is just one of those
things that’s inevitable when you’re in a relationship, isn’t
it? But, maybe, that explains all my single friends. Am I any
different?
After
a few heartbreaks, most people tend to get skeptical. Generally, I
think men are the self-preserving sex and women are more open and
trusting. But talking to my girlfriend yesterday changed that
theory.
Maybe
women are the more jaded sex. Maybe there are so many awesome single
women in their 30s because they’ve been hurt before and choose to
not get hurt again.
My girlfriends and I talk about imaginary Mr. Rights, but more
often, we talk all our real-life Mr. Wrongs. We say we want
relationships and we’re ready to settle down. We get excited about
the “potentials” and wonder if he could be our Prince Charming.
But perhaps we’re just sabotaging ourselves – adding that
potential Mr. Right onto the list of Mr. Wrongs.
My boyfriend and I got into our first fight the other day.
Sunday is our only day together. We both work all week, including
Saturdays. Sunday is also my only day to get “things” done:
shopping, laundry and errands. I canceled my morning yoga class and
changed my plans with my family so “Max” and I could spend the
day together.
At 7 a.m., the phone rang. His paddling buddies had lost a guy
and needed someone to fill the spot for a race that morning. Did
“Max” want to paddle? Like a good boyfriend, he asked me. I said
he should go, and I meant it. He loves paddling. He said he’d be
back around 1 p.m., gave me a kiss and ran out the door. He returned
at 4:30 p.m.
By then, I was upset. I thought of all the things I could have
and should have done with my day. I thought of the sacrifices I made
to be there – waiting for him so we could spend time together. I
thought about how tired I was from my 70-hour workweek.
And mostly, I felt this pit in my stomach. Sick at the thought
that I was becoming vulnerable.
Normally,
I would’ve walked out and not thought twice about it. “Time to
move on,” I would have said to myself as I cheerfully packed up
and drove away. I learned from my last heartbreak: It’s not worth
hanging on when the ship starts moving and doesn’t want you on it.
After that, I worked hard to become detached (although I call it
“free-spirited.”)
My
girlfriend’s fear made me think of my own. I’ve been
“free-spirited” a long time. Maybe it’s time to try the
vulnerable route. Any fear can be paralyzing. But once you get over
the fight or flight stage—I hear incredible things can happen!
I’ll letcha know.
KHNL News 8’s
Melisa Uchida is a Boston University graduate. Catch her Monday
through Friday on the evening newscasts.
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